Tuesday, July 16, 2019



Being Adventurous: Courage to Choose!



“Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it.” Mark Twain

Being adventurous is not always traveling alone to Fiji. It can start as simply as dinner out by yourself for the first time ever. Going to the movie…alone. Letting yourself pick and chose what YOU want to do. In marriage, we are bonded to our soul mate forever. We can’t even begin to imagine a life alone. We don’t want to and for the longest time, we don’t have to. But in Widowhood, we find ourselves ALONE. Sometimes for the very first time ever. All of us, no matter where we are in our lives’ journey should learn to be with our selves alone. We should learn about ourselves. Find out more about ourselves. Push ourselves to grow and learn and laugh. And to be adventurous. We deserve it.

“Everything happens for a reason, and part of that beauty of life is that we're not allowed to know those reasons for certain.” - Aron Ralston, Between a Rock and a Hard Place

While I never ever lived alone a single day in my life until I lost my husband, my first attempt at being adventurous happened in my teens. I lost my soul mate first boyfriend to suicide at the age of 16. My mother, my rock and my sustainer, was recovering from major surgery. I was on my own to figure out what to do with all my feelings. One thing I knew about my mother was, that although she came to America from France on a freighter with my father, she didn't like to do things some things alone - like eating out. So, I took on that inherited “fear” and made myself do things alone after Philip died. I went to the movies alone. I went on big riding adventures on my bike alone. When I was older, I even went to dinner with myself at a nice restaurant – alone – hugely pregnant with twins on Valentine’s Day no less. I think we must make a serious commitment to do some of our favorite things alone.

When we’re married, or with family, we are seldom alone. We make all our decisions and share our adventures with someone else. However, doing things alone, from road trips to restaurants, makes you learn more about your true authentic self. Where do you want to go? What do you want to see? What do you feel like eating? What concert would you go to alone? I have gone to many! Alone!!

When we set expectations for ourselves, and align them with real goals and timelines, the results are our adventures. We can do anything we chose to do if we do it. We must be smart about it. Think about it. Plan it. Prepare for it. Save for it. Give it a date and a timeline. Then just DO IT!



 “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them” – Walt Disney

I love to walk in the park near my house. There were days after work, I would just stop and go for a long walk. I always carried a minimum – careful to lock my belongs in the trunk and always have my key and cell phone. Connecting with nature, for me, gives me great peace and balance. It helps settle my thoughts and organize what all I need to do in an order I can work with. But you do have to think outside the box to find ways that help you be you. What works. What doesn’t. While I love adventure and most exercise, it’s highly unlikely you’ll find my jumping out of an airplane or going on a zip line. But then again, I said I would “never” go on a cruise, and I did go on a cruise and it changed my life. Forever and for good! It was important for me to be adventurous in order to learn that about myself.

Many of you know that I did go to Fiji alone. I met a friend the 2nd week, but I wanted to go alone for me, and honestly, for you too. I wanted to see how I (WE) did. What would scare me? Would I enjoy it – the long flight – the complete solitude, the planning adventures for each new day alone, every single meal alone, cooking for one, or going out to restaurant or bar for HH… scary stuff. But I enjoyed it and I was proud of myself for doing it. Nyla went to Hawaii for two weeks to celebrate her anniversary -- alone. She did it! She always inspires me to greater heights – she drives all over the country on adventures all the time. She is careful and she plans, and she stays in touch, so people know where she is, but she has a blast! She is a great adventurer. She wanted to see Paul McCartney perform and so she found a concert in Dallas, she got one ticket, jumped in her car and she went. She said it was fabulous! She has no fear of traveling alone. There are many of us, as widows, that have dared to be bold and adventurous and have stepped out of our comfort zone to Be Adventurous.

The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.” 
-Aron Ralston, Between a Rock and a Hard Place

I’m following Oprah and Deepak’s Meditations these next three weeks on Miraculous Relationships. Today’s meditation was on Miraculous YOU! It’s perfect! Oprah shares that: “The One thing that is REQUIRED for any relationship to flourish: Knowing who we really are.” 

It is the secret to your freedom. Widowhood gives us a chance to truly become who we really are. Now. Who we want to be. Who we dreamed we could be. All that we are; just as we are. Once you take the time to really get to know yourself, you will start to love her --the new "you" all over again. And she can be anything you want her to be…

I encourage you to start small. What is it you want to do? Pick something. Anything. Like I said, a movie, a meal, a hike, or a trip. Just pick it and plan it and do it. Let me know how you feel when you get back. Share with your fellow wisters. Keep us bonded together tighter in unity to remember there is power in our connection and that you will inspire and encourage others around you.



“The One you are looking for is the One who is looking.” Francis of Assisi

We are the summary of our choices. We didn’t choose to be widows, but we do make many choices in our widowhood. Those individual decisions lead us to the life we are living. We can change them. We can adjust them. We can expand them. We can tighten them… It is up to Us and Only Us to decide what is best for US. You must do YOU. No one else really can. And you owe it to Us for You to be YOU! It’s up to you if you to decide how you want to live this new life we are creating. You can stand in Fear or you can stand in Faith, but you can’t stand both places at the same time. Become the Woman you’ve always wanted to be. You can be adventurous by just daring to be authentic you! I dare you to choose to be Adventurous!

“I am becoming the woman I've wanted,
grey at the temples,
soft body, delighted,
cracked up by life
with a laugh that's known bitter
but, past it, got better,
knows she's a survivor--
that whatever comes,
she can outlast it.
I am becoming a deep
weathered basket.

I am becoming the woman I've longed for,
the motherly lover
with arms strong and tender,
the growing up daughter
who blushes surprises.
I am becoming full moons
and sunrises.

I find her becoming,
this woman I've wanted,
who knows she'll encompass,
who knows she's sufficient,
knows where she's going
and travels with passion.
Who remembers she's precious,
but knows she's not scarce--
who knows she is plenty,
plenty to share.”

― 
Jayne Brown


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